i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
