you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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