While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
