Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
