Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
