My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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