checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
