She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
