You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
