I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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