He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
