I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize