I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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