If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wear drunk well.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
