and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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