what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
