what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
