that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
