So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
