My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
how do you play pong handcuffed?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
