I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
