yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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