The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need water and some morals
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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