When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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