I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
