I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
