you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
