i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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