we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
