i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont even know how to be here
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
