There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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