she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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