don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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