Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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