I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
