I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
