I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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