Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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