Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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