...so i touched it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
