I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
