Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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