I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
