At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize