but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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