so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
