I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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