I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
