So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
