I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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