Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
