we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
