when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
