I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I supernannyed him into submission
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
