Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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