My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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