I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
