It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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