Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
