It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
