Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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