One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
