apparently the secret to your success is patron
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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