and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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