hell yes lets make some ravioli
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
