I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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